Standardized Testing Stress

So Standardized testing is this week; and only in very specific circumstances does that mean a substitute is welcome. We are not usually "trained" for the rigorous week. It includes all sorts of do's and do not's for  the teachers:

"Walk around the room and stay alert." (students wont cheat if they thing you are watching them...(and if you believe that I will sell you some Ocean front property in Montana)

 "keep tissue handy to deliver to the students" (They are not allowed to get up and if you have to go get it the students could take the distracted time to cheat)

"check over the pages for any errant marks or "contamination" (snot/blood/tears), but DO NOT read teh questions OR answers" (if you know what they test over you might teach the test, despite being given previous tests to practice with through the year... )

The day isn't easy on the students either. Four hours in a room; sitting at a desk in silence. Most of my students only know silence as an idea. It is an anomaly for  many of them. They listen to music with the tv on and play video games all at the same time. And they are expected to use cumulative knowledge from any previous grade. Students who have instant access to calculators and google are not as likely to remember much. As I have been told many times by my students "I have no need to remember. I have a smart phone."

I am not looking to get into a debate about standardized testing. These are just some of the things I know about the testing with and in my classes.

Back from the trenches

So, I haven't posted for a while about teaching. I am rather discouraged with the profession at the moment. However, I am trying to come back and set y'all up with some more of the students greatest hits!

 Lets start it off easy today:

 You know why memes are so popular? Because, so many of them are based on truths. I love teaching foreign languages as it is a passion of mine. However, the students do not always see it that way.

 Student: "When French people speak to themselves, like in their heads, do they speak in French like we speak in English?"

 Student: "Jesus spoke English. It is in the Bible."
 Teacher: "Actually the bible has been translated into English...(etc)"
 Student speaking over teacher: "If English was good enough for him why isn't it good enough for all of us?"

 I love the last one above because I found this meme a few days later and thought it appropriate. (from  pinterest)


 

Obsession (not the perfume)

A friend and I were in St. Louis's Loop district and passed by a store front that featured a tall vase made up of noses and a shorter vase that was boobs. Both caught my attention (while one caught his attention more than the other) and I mentioned that I loved how quirky they were, but would prefer to display the boob one over the nose one (the nose one was slightly creepy) I love weird and quirky decorations. I own several pieces (a six foot mummy by the "name" of Horas and a tin suit of armor I call Sir Griffith to name two of my favorite pieces)

This lead to a discussion of odd objects that we almost cannot resist wanting or wishing to imitate (for example my dad has a collection of meat grinders he plans on turning into lamp after seeing one made and a cousin turned non-working kitchen appliances into lamps). My major obsession would be picture frames,vases and blankets. My mother is all about dishes. I know a gal who cannot pass up a sale of office supplies (she cleans out her closet to donate most of them twice a year, but still buys knowing she might never use, but never knowing when they will come in handy); and a guy who has at least three dozen sets of socket wrenches. When my brother was younger he loved flashlights and batteries and a cousin has scissors of every shape, size, colour and edge.

Anyway, a discussion of quirky obsessions ensued. I just thought it was interesting how everyone seems to have things they cannot seem to pass up and always tend to look at beyond the "typical" (jewelry. shoes, books for example) and I am not meaning actual collections (water globes or animals or touristy souvenirs) When we polled the group with us people admitted to being "obsessed" with: hangers, pens, manicure sets (nail clippers/files etc), ribbon, empty beer and wine bottles (quoted: "they may come in handy for something")... hmmm I wonder how soon we should be calling the Clean House team or Hoarders?

Royal Fever

Let’s talk about royal fever – specifically of the British variety. Let’s even begin by digressing slightly. Why are we (collectively as American’s) so obsessed with the British Monarchy? The monarchy has been merely ceremonial for a few hundred years, but still we wait and watch and judge and wish: to see the hats, to curtsey, to try to get a guard to smile. My best guess is that as a European nation it is whom America is closest too. Britain is the divorced Great Uncle to the United States and though we are no longer related we know we have to still support him while he lives.

Speaking of living, NEWSWEEK, has a cover on which they have aged the former Princess Di and placed her “walking” with the current Princess of Wales. I remember Diana’s death; it was after The Notorious B.I.G. and before Mother Teresa’s. One is near saint-hood, the other remains true to his name and Diana is still causing controversy. Why does her death and her sons’ wedding cause so many Americans to stay up late and set TIVO’s? Is it the psychological representation of what can never happen to an American girl? The closest thing America once had to Prince was JFK JR. and I still remember when his plane crashed. Grandma, Aunt Sis and I were garage sale-ing and when they heard we had to rush home and Grandma didn’t move from the TV for days. She kept saying it was just like when his father passed.

I was not yet born for the wedding of Charles and Diana, but upon asking people who were I found that most of them had stayed up to watch. These same people watched her funeral and mourned her as once Americans mourned FDR. Somehow they are a part of the collective us. Of course it helps that the media helps by featuring these weddings and funerals (from JFK through Will and Kate).

I admit watched the Royal Wedding. I judged her dress and the ceremony. I waited for the kiss. I bought the Vanity Fair and Special Edition Times magazine talking about the wedding. I have now bought the controversial cover of Diana and Kate. I wonder if our (my) infatuation will end or deepen as the only monarch several generations have known (Queen Elizabeth II) passes, Charles abdicates (as he will most likely do due to his marriage to Camille and overall disgrace his subjects hold over him), Harry also marries and finally William and Harry continue the Windsor lineage.

Someday I will return to London. I will continue to study the monarchy and hope to get a glimpse of the Queen someday. I will not read an article about reality TV shows or listen to Charlie Sheen rant on you-tube, but I will wish to attend an event that might allow me to cross paths with the eligible Prince Harry and famiy…

Cannibalism in Middle Schools

“Let’s eat Grandma!” vs. “Let’s eat, Grandma!” the first was the grammatically correct choice of 7 per 10 of my English students. Correct grammar might just save the life of your grandmother…

"everything else is Asia"

Once upon a time a friend and I drank in a bar and meet a man who said that “everything was Asia” with the exception of a few select countries. Today I learned that old drunk Dutch men are not the only people who have trouble with geography… did you know that:

Mexico is not part of North America or South America. (To be fair we asked if they thought it was part of Central America and they were able to correctly state that Central America is not a separate continent…) They connected Mexico with Spain and correctly stated that Mexico couldn’t be part of Europe (though their reasoning was that it was larger than Europe and thus couldn’t be part of that continent…) In the end we never were able to decipher who they believed Mexico belonged to, but I think I finally got him to understand that Mexico is part of North America.

However, (oh yes, there is still a however) one of the arguments he continued to lobby against Mexico being a part of North America is that it is not ‘civilized’ because you cannot drink the water. To which another student piped-up “What about Canada?” thinking that Canada was not civilized either (as she explained: it has moose) and knowing it is a part of North America would render the idea that only civilized nations are part of the North American continent.

I hope that he plans on never venturing farther than necessary throughout his life.

Truth and Ignorance

Now pre-teens are my favorite, they have been given just enough knowledge to be dangerous to themselves and those who listen to them. They have a wealth of information all around them, but only seem to remember and know the most illogical information…

Some more wisdom: this time from health class:

If a woman is raped her body goes into shock and she cannot conceive… so having abortion if raped is not justifiable because you can’t get pregnant from rape

The former sums up a twenty-minute conversation about abortions in health. A rape scenario was proposed with a woman’s right to choose or not to terminate her pregnancy based upon emotional trauma. A student voiced her opinion as above stated while several other students agreed…

Oh and on the subject of health class do you know how twins are formed? I will give you a hint: it is not because an egg cell splits into two or that two eggs get fertilized…but a matter of cloning! That’s right… Scientists figured out cloning during the 50’s and that is why we have twins. Triplets and beyond are a glitch in the cloning system and fraternal twins are experiments on choice features that will soon be offered to everyone who wants to design their child.